I just wanna' believe.

Wow, I haven't updated this in forever. I have a little bit of down time for once so I guess I will take the time. :)

I am currently working part-time at Goodwill in Newaygo and I LOVE it! I will have been there for a year at the beginning of November. The people are great, *most* of the customers are great, and it is a very fair, happy, and balanced work place. I am really lucky to have found this job for during school, because the past 3 jobs I had stressed me out beyond belief. Right now I am all about keeping myself stable and relaxed...I really believe that is the key to my success. I'm also attending Baker College, although I once again changed my major. I am slowly (sometimes painstakingly) finding my strengths. I would rather switch my major a million times than get stuck doing something that will make me miserable.

I am still living with Bill. This Christmas will be our 4th Christmas together, and we have lived in this house for 3 years. It's been very rough at times, but we are still fighting the good fight. :) We have 3 cats and 1 dog, a german shepherd/husky mix named Cosmo. I have had him for about a month, and he is my shadow. He's the most perfect dog I have ever owned, our personalities match really well. He is also the smartest dog I have ever owned, sometimes too smart for his own good...but he learns so quickly that I am not worried. The only downfall about Cosmo is that he's very insecure around new people. We bought him in Wisconsin, and he had been shipped from Texas to an animal shelter in Wisconsin, to a non-kill shelter where I got him from...and he was only 5 months old. BUT on a positive note, he has made leaps and bounds since he's came here. I am the only person he has never acted afraid of, I think it's because he knows he's mine. Anyway, can you tell that I love my puppy?!

Over the past 2 years I have dealt with depression and anxiety--I took medication and went to counseling for 6 months about a year ago and when I felt like I didn't need it anymore I just quit. That probably doesn't sound like the best decision, but it was what I needed. Since then, I have felt much stronger and in control of my emotions, and I refuse to let myself lose sight of that again. I don't feel so lost anymore. I think what happened is that I spent so much of my life forcing myself to be strong, forcing myself to not care about things that I had every right to care about. Then all of a sudden it hit me like a tidal wave and everything I tried not to care about came rushing to the surface. I've confronted a majority of my demons since then, and I truly believe that now I am much stronger than I ever was before.






Time to get ready for work! I hope that everyone is well.
  • Current Music
    Brand New

I remember first hearing this song in 6th grade.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…


Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)--Baz Luhrmann

Shiver

I haven't posted in this thing in forever.

I also haven't been sick in forever, and that's what I am right now. Oh what a feeling. I'm not sure if I've ever had what you'd classify as 'the flu', but I definitely have it right now. All I've eaten in over 24 hours is blue jello and some applesauce. I've had a fever and chills and other unmentionable things. Ugh. Make it go away.

On a more positive note, I have all A's in school for the first time since high school. I'm going for Medical Assisting at the moment, hopefully I can stick with it. I also have a part time job at Goodwill that I love. (Although I did call in today, I'm pretty sure if I went like this I'd have a melt down). The ladies I work with are all really nice and personable. They're all quite a bit older than me but I don't usually get along with girls my age so maybe that's why it works. I'm definitely the youngest person that works there, haha.



The world works in funny ways. Sometimes dreams, songs, and black dogs are what it takes to notice.



So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cos you say you see straight through me, don't you?

on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you
I will always be waiting…

And it's you I see but you don't see me
And it's you I hear so loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me
  • Current Music
    Coldplay

(no subject)

Life is crazy but oh so wonderful.

Currently, I am living with Bill in an apartment above his parent's house. There are 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room, living room, and bathroom. It's nice--kind of cluttered at the moment, but nice. I definitely can't complain too much. BUT!

A few days ago, his parents suggested they put a very large down payment on a house for us and then we could pay the house payments...we'd have our own house! So turns out the gorgeous house across the street from where we live now is for sale, and it's very, very likely that by the end of this month Bill and I will be moving into our very own house. We toured it yesterday and it's pretty much perfect. There's a big fenced in backyard for our dogs, a huge backyard deck, a brand new 2 car garage, gorgeous kitchen with all the appliances, separate laundry room, master bedroom with its own bathroom plus another bathroom downstairs, and 3 more bedrooms upstairs! Plus there is another small room that goes downstairs connected to the garage that the guy that lived there before had planned on making into a weight room, I'm not sure what we'd use it for but we'll figure it out. Ohmygosh, I am so excited. Hopefully we are talking to the finance lady on Monday to get everything moving. Here's a few pictures that I found on the website...obviously the furniture and stuff isn't there, lol, but all the appliances in the kitchen are and a washer and dryer and air conditioning! It also has a crazy Michigan cellar, it's all stone and dark and cold but it's very clean...everything about the house is very clean! A pastor owned it before and I guess he was very meticulate about everything. Gosh, if this all happens I won't know how to thank Bill's parents enough...they are way too good to us. The other thing is, since it's right across the street from them, they can help us out and we can help them out. And reality begins to set in...isn't it amazing?! I shouldn't be getting my hopes up too high because it isn't finalized yet, but we will see. If this entry gets deleted sometime in the near future it's because we didn't get the house, lol.

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The house!

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Besides all of this, I am currently working at the Fremont Chamber of Commerce. I love it. I work Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and school is on Tuesday and Thursday. At work I send out bills, do little creative projects for them, and file stuff. Mostly though I get my own computer and can listen to music and mess around on Myspace. It's such a fun job, haha.

This was my first year not showing a horse at the fair...or at all. Kinda' sad, but the way things went this summer just didn't allow me to show my horse. I checked out the fair, they seemed to be having fun...definitely not as many people were there but oh well. I missed the demolition derby too, blegh! I also missed getting to watch horse stuff with Liz. Liz, where are you?! We need to talk, biatch.

So yeah, right now I am relaxing before I take a shower and go visit my grandparents. Bill is at work until 4ish, I don't really have much to do until then. I hope all is going well for everyone...I never see anyone anymore. That should change!

Happy.

It's been a while since I've posted one of these so I thought I'd give it a go.

I'm so happy. Bill is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I never thought I'd be able to have feelings for someone like I do for him--it's beautiful. I love him so unbelievably much...I see many great things in store for us. I've never had such a healthy relationship with someone...no complaints. He's wonderful.
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Another happy thing--Katey and I got an apartment. It's really nice. Not too expensive, we both have nice sized rooms, it's really clean, and we have a kitten.
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Everything is going well so far. Scott's new apartment is right across the street so that's sweet. If anyone wants to get together, get ahold of me.

I'm still on the search for another job, but I have an interview for a 30-50 hour per week one on Monday so hopefully it works out. If not, I have an interview for a paid internship at the Chamber of Commerce in Newaygo being a secretary for the city police. We'll see what happens. I'm currently still working at the Prosecuting Attorney's office but I would like to transfer somewhere with more hours.

Anyway, that's about it. I'm in love, I'm happy with my new apartment, and the search for a decent job should be over soon.



Life is good.